Warning : This post contains some raunchy ‘inuendos’, so all faint hearts can proceed with caution! 🙂
Here are some sketches I made about 4 years ago while I was working as a flight attendant for one of the middle-eastern airlines called Etihad Airways. I had plenty of fun moments and got familiar with all the flight attendant, and passenger jokes. The crew may seem unflattering in these sketches, but in real life, the girls and the boys are very pretty. At 4.30 am when one has seen the interior of the aircraft for the past 10 hours, and the only oxygen is the recycled air in the closed cabin, one’s mind can start playing tricks, and even the beautiful crew around can start looking like mutating monsters. Unfortunately, amongst the many rules that the crew had to remember, I remember this particular rule that really seemed to take the cake : ‘Crew are forbidden to sleep in the galleys, or even give the impression that they might be sleeping’.. So you cannot shut your eyes more than 3 seconds..
Once I boarded the crew bus looking sad because I hadn’t managed to sleep the night before and I had a long and busy flight in front of me. A concerned crew member asked me if I was OK, and I told her my problem, to which she replied ‘Oh, you know what, even if I’ve slept well, I always feel fatigue and tired the moment I put on this uniform’. Even after 10 years, her remark stuck in my head and I always found it very funny and true. And the rare moments when a flight would be declared cancelled, strangely all that fatigue and tiredness would go out of the window and I’d be ready to hit the beach!
Here’s a true story that occured in a flight to Tanzania ..
He : Scuze me, I want a Jewess
Me : Excuse me, umm… what kind of ..Jewess .. exactly?
He : Yes, I want a Jewess, an Orange Jewess
Me : Ahh…! Yes, I will get you your Jewess ( I go to the galley to bring him his orange juice)
Another joke that happened in front of me to a male crew. The flight was to Amman (Jordan), and it’s a night flight. A woman tries to get the attention of the male crew (and he’s just started flying) and whispers into his ear ‘I want a cock’.
He : (looking shocked) Excuse me??!
She : I want cock with ice
He : You mean coca cola?
She : Yes yes that cock!
I had a memorable Bombay flight. It was a full flight, with many uncontrollable children and demanding adults. We, the crew, were in the middle of the meal service and each crew member had to handle their own carts. I inched my way forward until my cart reached a livid passenger.
He: I’ve been fingering you for so long, where were you??’
Me: Excuse me?! I don’t understand..
He: Look look, like this I fingered you for so long!! ( and he demonstrates by pushing his finger against the crew call button several times and the whole cabin resonates with the ding-dong noise))
Me : Ah, you used the call bell service. I’m sorry, it’s a very busy flight. How may I help you?’
He : I can’t find my wife’s hole.
Me : (confused and starting to get mad) Excuse me?!
He : Look, I found my hole and I can hear my movie, but my wife can’t hear her’s!
Me : Ah, You’re trying to locate the slot to plug in your headset… Ok, let me help you.
I go back to the galley after the service, and another crew member, someone more familiar with the Bombay flights, looks at my stunned expression and says knowingly ‘You look like you got fingered’.